Three Steps to Affair Proof Your Marriage

Every day I see it. Men and Women leaving one another over infidelity. Sometimes, this occurs after years of marriage. “We’ve just grown apart” I hear them saying. Really? Does time really rob us of our excitement, love, and commitment? I’m not sure that’s how God designed our lives…

My lover speaks to me, “Get up, my darling, my beautiful one. Let’s go away!
(Song of Solomon 2:10 ERV)

When we start out with ourĀ beautifulĀ one, our words are likely more in line with this verse of scripture. We are anxious to get up, go away, and live in bliss forever. All too soon, the reality of life sets in. Bills are due, the kids (oh yeah, you had a couple right?) are screaming, the car isn’t running right and your hours have been cut back at work. These are things that happen to everyone and many allow these things to ruin their relationships. In many other cases, we get bored with our spouses or betrothed and think life’s better elsewhere. Some people just like to lie and see how many notches in a belt they can get. Others struggle getting older and wondering if they still “got it”. The excuses are many and the lives shattered are just as numerous. I once had a young woman tell me “Love doesn’t last forever..It never does.” Then she proceeded to tell me “My mom says it’s about 10 years or so and then it’s over..” I had to shake my head and wonder how a generation is being taught these things while I struggle to make sure my kids understand that they should expect better in their relationships as they grow into adults. Several years ago, I came up with an easy to execute three point formula for affair proofing my marriage. It’s worked so far and as of this writing I’m nearing the 24 year mark with my wonderful wife. Do you want to keep the fire in your marriage burning? Do you want to keep passion alive and your sex lives interesting and fulfilling as God intended? Here’s my three point plan. In fact, I’m so committed to it, I write these three things down each day and make sure I’ve done them:

  1. Find one thing about my wife I can praise her on. Each day I look for something great to tell her. Thanks for keeping up with the laundry even though you work. Thanks for a great dinner. Thanks for a wonderful date. You are the best mom, wife, servant I know. Find SOMETHING to tell her each day how special she is. PRAISE HER and don’t wait for a return comment. Do it because you love her!
  2. Find one thing about her that I love. My wife has these amazing eyes. I tell her often how pretty they are. But I also love her heart for children. She’s a great kids teacher in my church. I love her sense of adventure. The key is I find one thing each day that I love about her and I TELL HER.
  3. Find one way to serve my wife. The last thing is to find at least one thing each day (and you can do more than one if you really try!) that I can do serve my wife. Maybe the laundry needs to be folded, put on hangers, etc. Maybe her flower bed needs to be weeded and watered. Maybe she needs a back or foot rub. (Yes guys you can do this). Whatever the need or perceived need, I make it my mission to DO at least one thing for her to serve her and show her I love her.

That’s it. Three easy steps you can take each day to show your spouse how much you love them. If you do these three things each day I will guarantee this..Your spouse will never turn out to be a bore. You may get tired from time to time. The two of you might still occasionally disagree. Yes, you might even have a spat..It happens. But if you take the time each day to do these three things, those tough times are easier to navigate through when your better half knows you love them.


Three Steps to Affair Proof Your Marriage

The Unexamined Life

The great philosopher Socrates was alleged to have said: “The unexamined life is not worth living” or something very close to it. Whether he truly said this or not, the quote is one that is valuable to digest. How many of us take the time to review the past experiences of our or others’ lives and integrate those learning times into our future? Very few of us I suppose.

In my quest to continue to grow and live a meaningful life, I’ve once again begun the habit of keeping a journal with me to capture thoughts, write out problems, share solutions (or failures) and learn from them. So many times an idea or thought comes to mind and I try to find a place and time to remember these bits of information and capture them but in the long run, many go forgotten. It’s simply too hard to remember it all. At other times, I struggle with feelings and emotions which can consume me. I’ve learned in the past year since my weight loss experience (written about on this blog) that I will never see myself as truly being thin. I will always have a mental picture of me as being fat and that image is one that can unknowingly lead me to neglect other areas of my growth. I took some time away from the blog in 2012 to focus on some big life changes that came my way after the weight loss. One of the discoveries I made was that in making major changes in my life, especially after entering my 40’s, I had failed to capture the source of much of the negative energy that was hindering me in areas known only to myself.

As I began planning my goals for 2013 I began looking into ways to better review and grow from these feelings and thoughts. Journaling is a good way to do this. By keeping a journal close at hand, you can capture thoughts on paper in the moment. By reviewing them, you can see trends in your thinking that can limit and sometimes block your learning. It’s also good to review the ideas, quotes, and other gems you capture along the way and integrate those into your thinking as you review your entries and plot a new trajectory for your life. I know some who read these words will say “That’s too much work!” and you’re right to a degree. It is work. Too much? I don’t think so. Not when I can see the potential for growth by building a new habit. The work in writing is one thing. The additional work in reviewing what you write, crafting solutions, and sharing those follow up thoughts is even more work but it can be so very rewarding if you give it time. Face it, in five years you can be in the same rut you’re in now or you can plot a new course for growth and living a full life and make changes as you spot habits and trends in your journals and be more fulfilled down the road. Which do you choose?

I purchased some audio programs to listen to as I work out that helped with me ideas for journaling and working on my thoughts. My daily time in God’s Word helps in this endeavor with the wisdom of the ages to address all of what I write about. It’s a win-win situation for the person committed to personal growth. As I march toward my 50th birthday (in a few years) I’m already in the full throws of mid-life. I’ve begun thinking about where I’ll be in other ten years when 60 lies over the horizon should God allow me to live that long. I want to look back with no regrets. I want to grow more now than I did in my 20’s when I thought I had an eternity to live. I want to leave my family with a legacy of living.

The unexamined life IS not worth living. Taking the time to grow and improve shouldn’t fade as you get older but rather, it should be a refining time for you to take your rich life experiences, share them, and grow from them. Start today!

The Unexamined Life