Three Steps to Affair Proof Your Marriage

Every day I see it. Men and Women leaving one another over infidelity. Sometimes, this occurs after years of marriage. “We’ve just grown apart” I hear them saying. Really? Does time really rob us of our excitement, love, and commitment? I’m not sure that’s how God designed our lives…

My lover speaks to me, “Get up, my darling, my beautiful one. Let’s go away!
(Song of Solomon 2:10 ERV)

When we start out with our beautiful one, our words are likely more in line with this verse of scripture. We are anxious to get up, go away, and live in bliss forever. All too soon, the reality of life sets in. Bills are due, the kids (oh yeah, you had a couple right?) are screaming, the car isn’t running right and your hours have been cut back at work. These are things that happen to everyone and many allow these things to ruin their relationships. In many other cases, we get bored with our spouses or betrothed and think life’s better elsewhere. Some people just like to lie and see how many notches in a belt they can get. Others struggle getting older and wondering if they still “got it”. The excuses are many and the lives shattered are just as numerous. I once had a young woman tell me “Love doesn’t last forever..It never does.” Then she proceeded to tell me “My mom says it’s about 10 years or so and then it’s over..” I had to shake my head and wonder how a generation is being taught these things while I struggle to make sure my kids understand that they should expect better in their relationships as they grow into adults. Several years ago, I came up with an easy to execute three point formula for affair proofing my marriage. It’s worked so far and as of this writing I’m nearing the 24 year mark with my wonderful wife. Do you want to keep the fire in your marriage burning? Do you want to keep passion alive and your sex lives interesting and fulfilling as God intended? Here’s my three point plan. In fact, I’m so committed to it, I write these three things down each day and make sure I’ve done them:

  1. Find one thing about my wife I can praise her on. Each day I look for something great to tell her. Thanks for keeping up with the laundry even though you work. Thanks for a great dinner. Thanks for a wonderful date. You are the best mom, wife, servant I know. Find SOMETHING to tell her each day how special she is. PRAISE HER and don’t wait for a return comment. Do it because you love her!
  2. Find one thing about her that I love. My wife has these amazing eyes. I tell her often how pretty they are. But I also love her heart for children. She’s a great kids teacher in my church. I love her sense of adventure. The key is I find one thing each day that I love about her and I TELL HER.
  3. Find one way to serve my wife. The last thing is to find at least one thing each day (and you can do more than one if you really try!) that I can do serve my wife. Maybe the laundry needs to be folded, put on hangers, etc. Maybe her flower bed needs to be weeded and watered. Maybe she needs a back or foot rub. (Yes guys you can do this). Whatever the need or perceived need, I make it my mission to DO at least one thing for her to serve her and show her I love her.

That’s it. Three easy steps you can take each day to show your spouse how much you love them. If you do these three things each day I will guarantee this..Your spouse will never turn out to be a bore. You may get tired from time to time. The two of you might still occasionally disagree. Yes, you might even have a spat..It happens. But if you take the time each day to do these three things, those tough times are easier to navigate through when your better half knows you love them.


Three Steps to Affair Proof Your Marriage

The REAL Marriage Problem in the Church

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Marriage should be honored by everyone. And every marriage should be kept pure between husband and wife. God will judge guilty those who commit sexual sins and adultery.
(Hebrews 13:4)

While much of the rhetoric in the public square these days focuses on the issue of gay marriage, the church has an even bigger issue on its hands and has for a long time. The problem of co-habitation. As a culture we have largely accepted the idea that a man and woman can live together as though married and even start a family, buy a home, and build assets together as married couples have traditionally done through the years, all without ever covenanting to one another in marriage.

As a Christian I understand the secular life outside the church is one where I can observe but in Christ’s love, cannot judge those who have no knowledge of or desire for Jesus Christ. But when these same folks claim to be Christian and even come to the church for acceptance of their lifestyle choice, I must revert to what the Apostle Paul told the Corinthians who were dealing with many of the same issues we are today:

Those outside the church it is not my business to judge. but surely it is your business to judge those who are inside the church—God alone can judge those who are outside.
(1 Corinthians 5:12a Phillips)

The tension the church body faces today is one where it is viewed as being harsh or judgmental if it shares truth with couples who are involved in this type of lifestyle. The sexual revolution of the 60’s opened a door to open relationships in our current culture and the generation of today are the children of that era. They see little wrong in trying things out to see if it works. The problem is, in most cases, it will not work. While cohabitation is on the rise in our society, statistics still show that roughly 50% of cohabiting couples will never marry. They also show that divorce is more likely than with couples who marry prior to living together.

So with the number of cohabiting couples steadily increasing it only makes sense that these same couples will find their way into the church and ultimately, expect the congregation to accept their lifestyle choice. The challenge to respond in love while staying true to biblical principle is difficult. Of course, the Apostle Paul knew this as well when he wrote:

“Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.
(2 Timothy 4:2-4)

I’m always loving toward couples in any living situation however when they ask for my counsel or opinion, I’ve found it best to cut to the chase and share with them first from scripture before suggesting steps for improvement. The Bible is clear on this matter, we should wait until marriage to live together. A covenant marriage is a life changing step despite the triviality our culture ascribes to it today. The real problem with this issue is the mindset of our kids growing up. The adults of today were led down this path by the generation before as I mentioned previously. What legacy will we leave our children and grandchildren in the value of marriage and waiting for the proper mate?


The REAL Marriage Problem in the Church